


The Nature of Nightmares

by Ttttrickster (iscatterthemintimeandspace)



Series: Lessons in Healing [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Coda for 13X20, M/M, Nightmares, SPOILERS FOR 13X20, Season 13 spoilers, Spoilers, Trauma, coda fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 00:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14508141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iscatterthemintimeandspace/pseuds/Ttttrickster
Summary: “So,” Gabriel clapped his hands together.  “This other world Michael, how we doing this?”“Wait, you're actually gonna help us?” Sam and Dean looked at each other.“Yeah, no tricks?”They didn’t actually believe that Gabriel was going to help him, and Gabriel didn’t blame them. He hadn’t been the most forthcoming in that regard, or in any regard really when it came to them.“A deal is a deal,” he replied. “And if I'm being perfectly honest, tricks are for kids.”





	The Nature of Nightmares

“So,” Gabriel clapped his hands together.  “This other world Michael, how we doing this?”

 

“Wait, you're actually gonna help us?” Sam and Dean looked at each other. 

 

“Yeah, no tricks?”

 

They didn’t actually believe that Gabriel was going to help him, and Gabriel didn’t blame them. He hadn’t been the most forthcoming in that regard, or in any regard really when it came to them. 

 

“A deal is a deal,” he replied. “And if I'm being perfectly honest, tricks are for kids.” 

 

Dean rolled his eyes, and walked back towards the impala, but Sam stayed behind, looking at him with those big worried eyes. 

 

“Hey, how you feeling now that you -”

 

Gabriel responded with a signature smirk.  “Got my sweet sweet vengeance on? ” 

 

“Yeah sure I guess,’ Gabriel could tell Sam was skeptical of his tone. 

 

“Swell Sam, I’m a whole new guy.” 

 

Gabriel was lying through his teeth. He was not okay, and killing Loki and his sons didn’t change that. Even though it felt good to put an end to the creatures that had sold him into certain death and torture, it hadn’t changed the fact that it had happened. He had trusted them to help him, he had thought of them as a his family once, and just like his real family, they had betrayed him too. He wasn’t sure which hurt more. 

 

Yes, he was lying and what was worse, Sam knew he was lying. Gabriel half-expected Sam to call him out on his bullshit, but Sam just offered him a sad smile, and for that, Gabriel was grateful. 

 

“That’s what I thought.” 

 

They rode back to the bunker in silence, Gabriel pretending to be asleep in the back seat to avoid talking about what happened. Cas was waiting for them when they got back, and he helped Gabriel get settled in one of the extra rooms, changing the sheets, and stealing pillows from the other rooms. It was nothing like Gabriel was used to, but it would do until he was back at full power. 

 

He was asleep as soon as he laid down. 

 

_ He was burning.  _

 

_ Pain lanced through his body over and over as he cut Gabriel.  _

 

_ “I broke you, boy” Asmodeus said, pulling the silver needle from his coat pocket and slipping into Gabriel’s flesh.  _

 

Gabriel woke screaming, curling in to try and protect himself from the pain. It took him a couple moments to realize where he was, and that he was safe. It was only a couple moments longer before Sam burst through his door. 

 

“Gabe? You’re okay, it’s alright, you’re safe.” 

 

Gabriel took a ragged breathe, trying to calm himself. His heart was pounding as if he’d been running, and he was trembling all over. Nightmares had plagued him since he’d gotten free. He thought that after he’d killed Asmodeus, after he’d killed Loki, that he would rest easy, but apparently that wasn’t the case. 

 

Sam sat down on the end of Gabriel’s bed. 

 

“I...I have them too sometimes, nightmares,” Sam said, not looking at him. “From the cage.” 

 

Gabriel had heard whispers while he was imprisoned, rumors of Lucifer wearing Sam into the cage, and what had happened after. Gabriel knew the horrors his older brother was capable of, and it didn’t surprise him at all that Sam still had nightmares from what he had suffered. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel whispered. “I didn’t know you were going to- You weren’t supposed to -” 

 

“It’s not your fault,” Sam told him. “It was my choice to say yes to him.” 

 

Gabriel knew that was a lie. He knew Lucifer too well for that. The only way Sam would have said yes to Lucifer was if he felt like he’d had no other choice, and that was no choice at all. It made Gabriel want to apologize again. If he had just…no, he wasn’t going to allow himself to fall into that particular well of self-loathing again. He had quite enough self-loathing where he currently was. 

 

“How do you deal with it?” Gabriel asked, moving slightly closer to Sam. 

 

“I-” Sam faltered for a second, as if he was considering his words.  “I don’t for the most part. I just pushed it down and ignored it.” 

 

Gabriel sighed. If Sam couldn’t do it, how could he? Sam was strong, he was optimistic, he was everything that Gabriel was not, and if he couldn’t do anything about it, how could Gabriel? 

 

“Recently though….” Sam kept going. “I talked to someone about it, and I felt better, at least for a little while. You can always talk to me, Gabriel. I know in the past, we weren’t really all that nice to you.” 

 

“I deserved it.” Gabriel butted in. “I wasn’t that nice to you either.” 

 

“Fair enough,” Sam smiled. “You can always talk to me. I know it can be hard to talk about but, when you're ready, I’ll listen.” 

 

“On one condition.” 

 

Sam eyed him warily. “Name it.” 

 

“That you’ll talk to me too, Sam,” Gabriel grinned back at him. “Maybe we can help each other.” 

 

Sam laid a comforting hand on Gabriel’s shoulder and got up. “I’d like that,” he said. “I was going to make coffee. Do you want some?” 

 

Gabriel nodded. “Milk, one sugar.” 

 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Only one?” he teased gently. 

 

“Not the Trickster anymore,” Gabriel told him. “Only Gabriel now. No need for it.” 

 

Sam broke into a smile, and walked out, leaving Gabriel alone with his thoughts. 

 

Loki’s words were ringing in his head. 

 

_ “ Face it old friend. You’re a joke, you’re a failure. You live for pleasure. You stand for nothing,  and in the end that’s exactly what you’ll die for.” _

 

Loki had been right about a lot of things. He was a failure as an angel, he’d run from his family, shirked his responsibilities. He’d indulged in every pleasure a person could indulge in and then some, and he’d made himself into a living parody of what he once was. 

 

But Loki was wrong about one thing. 

 

He could stand for something. 

 

Or rather, someone. 


End file.
